Normalarkey

Normalarkey No More: Meet Midlife Mixtape

2011-06-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

It’s kind of a mixed blessing when a friend says, “I love your blog. But I can’t pronounce it.” One of the basic rules of branding is “try not to piss off your audience” and having a nonsensical blog name flies in the face of that tenet; just because it worked for Google.com and Dooce.com doesn’t mean it’ll work for me. So I’ve been thinking about giving the name Normalarkey the boot for a

Showers of Hypocrisy

2011-06-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

The older I’ve gotten, the more deliberately I make choices that are eco-friendly. Part of the reason is because it's easier than ever to know what the right thing to do is; for instance, when the garbage cans at the elementary school are labelled "Compost," "Recycle," and "LANDFILL" (the latter with skull and crossbones and death heads drawn on it) it's a fair bet that you want to reduce your

The Art of Fatherhood

2011-06-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

All good fathers have certain things in common: they listen, are consistent, show affection, and support their offspring in ways both financial and moral. But what makes a good father unique is his art, that skill which makes him different from other dads. It's the habit that is immediately called to mind in fond exasperation when his kids are alone and talking about him, like the scene the "

Lady Food

2011-06-14T07:13:00.000-07:00

In a stunning example of the predictability of human nature, I scanned the early reports of the unusually virulent outbreak of E. coli in Germany to find out what type of person was most frequently afflicted. It’s the “can’t happen to me or my family, right?” thinking that characterizes my immediate reaction to almost any bad news - crotch photos, tropical diseases, cruise ship strandings. In

Just One Perspective on Garage Sales

2011-06-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

I know there's a theory that holding a garage sale is a good, clean way to get rid of unwanted junk and make a little money in the process. That's just never been my experience. Today I've been invited to guest post on the subject over on "Four Perspectives," a sweet, soulful blog that combines the worldview of four different writers in a way that recognizes that "no one ever sees things quite

Five Telltale Signs It's the End of the School Year

2011-06-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

Who needs the calendar or steady barrage of Father's Day shopping circulars to tell you that it's June? These five phenomenon occur like clockwork when the waning days of the academic year are upon us. 1.) You're Broke. Between the gift for the classroom teacher, the teacher's aides, the piano teacher, the math tutor, the babysitter graduating high school who wasn't much for cleanup but at least

Concert Crone Review: Lykke Li

2011-06-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

The Concert Crone operates in a musical netherworld: too old for bouncers to ask her for ID, too young to give up the thrill of buying tickets using the secret presale code. In service to the mid-life music fans of the world, the Crone braves the Bay Area music scene and answers the question: Worth Hiring the Sitter? The Band: Lykke Li, Monday May 31 2011. Indie darling Lykke (real name: Li Lykke

Child Employment and Character Building

2011-05-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

I recently unearthed a diary from when I was 12 and planned to open a beauty spa in my parent's house. What I later learned in B-school was called the "Unique Selling Proposition" (USP) was that, after the neighborhood ladies had paid me to apply wet oatmeal to their faces, do their makeup with the Lip Smackers line, and french braid their hair, I was going to invite them to lie on chaise lounges

Misty Eyed Memorial Day Memories

2011-05-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

You can keep your barbeques, your parades, and your sparklers. What really says Memorial Day to me is a large piece of sawdust sending shooting pains through my eye. The Memorial Day Picnic of my childhood was epic. Living on one side of a driveway shaped like a capital "T", our little stretch of asphalt was the locus for an all-day party for the neighbors up and down Branford Road. It started in

I Don't Need No Liberry

2011-05-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

I've just heard that the mayor of Oakland is considering closing a passel of local libraries, including the one that my family frequents, in order to close our $58 million deficit. To which I say, Huzzah! Who needs libraries anyways? I mean, what American taxpayer even reads books anymore? They're outmoded. The Google search bar can find any information that anyone with a computer or a smartphone

My Inner Rebel: Tortured

2011-05-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

It was the tiny Roma granny pulling on my cowboy boots that finally broke me. Of course, that's not an excuse. Nor is youth, nor loneliness. But when I reveal to you my mortifying disclosure, I'd at least like you to know that those things, plus the bent-over Gypsy matriarch putting on my boots and doing a gleeful jig as I watched from my apartment window in Munich, influenced the embarrassing

As the Rapture Approaches: No Regrets

2011-05-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's just in the Bay Area or nationwide that garish yellow and black billboards are telling us the Rapture is upon us: specifically, sometime Saturday, all the good folks are going to be sucked up out of their shoes to ascend to heaven in a burst of radiant glory, and the rest of us flawed sinners are going to be stuck down here wondering why it just got so easy to park. Can't

Season of the Swan

2011-05-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

Our refrigerator is covered in invitations right now, their brightly-colored edges and fancy fonts like a dusting of leaves from a Disney-fied forest. Each one, held up by its own homemade bottle-top magnet, heralds another junior high school student about to make a major transition in the life of their faith: bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs, confirmations. These fluttering cards just rub in the

Concert Crone Report: Chris Robinson Brotherhood

2011-05-09T17:04:00.000-07:00

The Concert Crone operates in a musical netherworld: too old for bouncers to ask her for ID, too young to give up the thrill of buying tickets for live performances using the secret presale code. In this first of an occasional series of concert reviews, the Crone braves the Bay Area music scene and answers the question: Worth Hiring the Sitter? The Band: The Chris Robinson Brotherhood, Thursday

Mother's Day: Actions, Not Words

2011-05-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

So the big joke around these parts is that for Mother's Day, my family is going to take me to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk for the day so they can go on the rides. Yay. What mother doesn't dream of her special day being spent amongst the screaming masses watching her kids getting alternately jacked up on sugar and grease and then reaching the precipice of vomiting as they stagger off each loud and

Garden Tips for the Hare-ied

2011-05-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's the time of year when I gaze out onto my small vegetable garden and think, "What will I kill this year?" My little patch is pretty lame, compared to the verdant garden of my childhood. But it's not my fault; we had a secret weapon back then, one that I only fully appreciate now. I speak, of course, of the Davis Family Rabbits. When my older sister Sally got the first black and white Dutch

I thought it said "Annoying Know It Alls"

2011-05-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Today I've got a guest post on SMARTS Magazine, an online magazine for "Aspiring Know It Alls" who share nuggets of wisdom about their particular arena of expertise, be it fashion and beauty or cooking or health matters. So what's my particular piece of the pie? Failure. How proud my parents must be. Specifically, it's about how being a failure at a big project was actually a good lesson for

All About Her

2011-04-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

You know those people who hate when anyone makes a fuss over their birthday? They try to let it pass unnoticed, reject any suggestion that something should be done to commemorate their special day, act sheepish if they're found out. I do not understand those people at all. I believe in the Birthday Month approach, wherein anything you do in the thirty days bracketing the anniversary of your birth

Perfect Dog Training

2011-04-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my husband and kids were at the local farmer's market enjoying their healthy lunch ("there were bananas on my Nutella crepe, Mom!") when they ran into a neighbor with his new puppy. They came home breathless with admiration. "Ron's dog is so well trained already!" the girls clamored. "He told her to sit down, and she DID! And when he told her to stop staring at Dad's food, she did

All Roads Lead Back to Neil

2011-04-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've been on a bit of a walkabout for the past week, what with the guest posting - first at ScaryMommy and then at WorkingMomsBreak. One of the most exciting rewards of a guest post stint is having new readers stop on by Normalarkey, and finding out from their comments what they're all about. Humor? Parenting? Dogs? Mexican beer stands? Turns out, the topic category most remarked upon by my new

SpongeBob's Teachings on Corporate Lies

2011-04-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am a lousy church school teacher. Having regarded my formative years as an Episcopalian as more of a social event than anything else - some of my best school friends attended the same church, so most of the praying that went on in class was over tests and who would ask who out for Senior Ball. I never read the Bible or anything Jesus-y like that. Still, it taught me the benefit of taking part

Give Working Moms a Break

2011-04-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I attended a conference for women in publishing and during one panel discussion, the audience - 90% female - sat rapt listening to Kara Swisher talk about how she gave birth while holding a BlackBerry in one hand. For those not familiar with Kara, she used to write about the online technology business in the Wall Street Journal and now is a partner in AllThingsD.com, a go-to

Friday's Music Moment: Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda Edition

2011-04-15T07:18:00.000-07:00

This week I was driving my younger daughter in the car when the radio DJ said the words I've been waiting to hear since watching the best YouTube music trailer ever: "Here's the first track off the new Beastie Boys album, Hot Sauce Committee Part Two - 'Make Some Noise!'" I cranked it to 11 and started dancing, as much as is possible when you are also maintaining a 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock position

I'm a bona fide Scary Mommy

2011-04-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

One of my most vivid childhood memories was being awoken in the early hours one morning by my dad, who was rummaging around under my pillow for the tooth I'd placed there the night before and leaving two shiny quarters in its place. When I arrived at the breakfast table, indignant, I said, "DAD! I know you are the Tooth Fairy! You woke me up!" To which he answered, "Me? I was just making change."

School Lunches on Autopilot

2011-04-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

Next week is spring break for our kids. We're staying in town and haven't planned much, but I'm as excited as if we were going to Hawaii for the week. Because I have five whole days off from making lunches. Every morning as I pull out the lunchboxes I am reminded of what Dorothy Parker reportedly said whenever her telephone rang: “What fresh hell is this?” Some weeks I’m on a health kick, making

How to Lose Your Cool

2011-04-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

When a friend decides to celebrate her 37th birthday by inveigling a group of girlfriends to take her out to a local hotspot for dinner and then go out dancing afterward, secretly congratulate yourself all week for having a friend who is almost a decade younger. Pretend to be ironic when you call her a whippersnapper, even though calling anyone a whippersnapper, ironically or not, makes you sound

Clutter? No, my childhood.

2011-04-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

When I first walked through the house we've lived in for eight years now, the owners had taped handmade arrow signs throughout the rambling downstairs. Past the peach-colored room with French doors and the biggest entertainment console I'd ever seen, down a dark hall past a laundry room and bathroom, signs said "Keep Going! Don't Give Up Yet!" I finally crossed through a barren storage room with

The pull of going home

2011-03-31T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm going home this weekend - to see my mom and dad, catch up with my sister and brother, and see neighbors and friends in the town where I spent my first 18 years. I'll eat some bagels, visit the the local tavern with my brother, take my aunt out for a belated birthday lunch, and go to a big Family Camp reunion. I can't wait. I'm leaving home this weekend - leaving Andrew and the girls, my own

The Price of Silence

2011-03-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

My daughter and her friend from elementary school attend different middle schools, but they’ve sustained a close friendship in part, I think, due to our Monday homework club. Every Monday, Rachel rides the city bus to our house so that the two girls can spend 90 minutes complaining to each other about their school workload, wheedling me for sweets, and talking in voices low enough so I can’t hear

Auntie Liar

2011-03-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

My niece and her college roommate are coming out to the Bay Area this week for a visit, and we are all excited to show her around. I can only hope that Shannon will be a little less skeptical of her aunt this time than she was the first time she came to stay with me. That was in 1995 or so, when she was four and Andrew and I were still childless and fancy-free, living in Washington, DC. My

Secret Millionaires and Undercover Bosses

2011-03-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

Have you heard there's a new reality television show called "Secret Millionaire"? The premise is that rich folks go live incognito amongst the needy for a few days, and at the big reveal, shower some money onto the poor wretches with whom they were cohabitating. Cue the swelling music at the end of the show, as the magnanimous millionaires climb back on their timeshare jets and leave the

Ready for a Glee-ful Weekend

2011-03-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

The big weekend is here, the one that we've been anticipating since last fall's school auction: we're co-hosting the annual neighborhood Cocktail Crawl. Since straightforward would be way too easy for an event as manic as our public school auction, there's another layer of complexity on top: each of the four stops on the tour has a TV show theme, and victims - I mean, auction bid winners -

Finding Fearlessness

2011-03-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Every winter I interview high school seniors who are applying for acceptance to the Freshman class at my East Coast alma mater. The kids I meet are mature, accomplished (I have to tell you, if you haven’t built an orphanage in South America, you could probably qualify as a minority student,) and whip-smart. I genuinely enjoy getting to know what motivates these young people, and then doing my

Purely musical

2011-03-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras, Carnival - all the eating, drinking, and partying came to a head on Tuesday night, in a big blowout before Ash Wednesday and Lent. Even if you're not Christian, there's something appealing around rolling around in your own appetites and urges for awhile, assured that a hard stop followed by a finite period of asceticism will wipe your transgressions clean

Not so mighty mascots

2011-03-07T16:23:00.000-08:00

It’s almost time for March Madness, the brackets full of college men’s basketball teams with rough and tough names like Bulldogs, Badgers, and Demons. Proud names, powerful names, names that really beg to be chanted by rapturous fans. Names that imbue the teams who bear them with a sense of import, and perhaps render their opponents a wee bit intimidated. Experiences with which I’m

WTF is the issue?

2011-03-04T06:32:00.000-08:00

After skipping the television broadcast of the Academy Awards for years, on the grounds it was both a snooze- and narcissism- fest, I succumbed to my children's requests and watched last Sunday. They were excited because they'd actually seen one of the movies up for best picture. An R-rated one, no less. We didn't take them to see "The King's Speech" without a little homework first. I skipped

When Winter Equals Summer

2011-02-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

It’s winter in Northern California; though we don’t have the bitter cold and snow that seems to be attacking the rest of the country like an alien horde, we do have buckets of rain, intermittent hail, and the worst weather-related torture of all: meteorologists who summarize every Five Day Forecast by saying, “Of course, all that rain is probably still not enough to save the state from

Laughing Out Loud

2011-02-28T07:32:00.000-08:00

I got an email the other day from a neighbor who said - and I'll paraphrase - "I was driving down the street and saw the snarly doberman yanking his owner's chain...when I turned to see what had him so riled up, it was you and your sweet pup headed in the opposite direction." Yes, we're still driving Clarice crazy what with the breathing and the tail wagging, but the good news is that we're

A Musical Nod to Himself

2011-02-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

This weekend some friends are visiting us from the East Coast. Brett's work transferred them to the Bay Area for two years - the corporate equivalent of a semester abroad - before calling them back last spring. Our daughters became fast friends while they lived here, but it wasn't until Year 2 of their stay that I really got to know Jen and Brett. And frankly, I'm still kind of pissed that they

Edwardian Ghosts

2011-02-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything against the Real Housewives franchise; most of my friends watch at least one iteration of the show and through their recaps I have gained a passing familiarity with the loud, overconfident, and materialistic ladies of New Jersey, Atlanta, and Beverly Hills like secondhand smoke inhalation. But my taste in household drama runs towards the traditional - as in, once a character

Nicknames and Mashups

2011-02-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

Overheard at a Chinese New Year's party last weekend: "I feel sorry for her. She only has one culture: Malaysian. She's not even mixed." (4th grader to friend.) Such is the ubiquity of mixed race kids around here that the poor single race kids are objects of pity - what could they possibly have to talk about on "My Heritage" day at school? The children of the hosts were

Haste Makes Redfaced

2011-02-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

The English language is rife with aphorisms that warn against the dangers of rushing. Slow and steady wins the race, look before you leap, measure twice and cut once. Hurrying is how you neglect to see that red t-shirt sneak into the laundry with the load of whites, or get two thirds of the way through a recipe before realizing you are missing four key ingredients needed to finish it, or speed to

You Think You've Seen It All Before

2011-02-11T06:49:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we hauled out old family movies for the first time in years, and spent a few hours revisiting the girls as they were at ages 2 and 3. In the unfair apportioning of screen time that accrues to birth order, there were seven tapes of the oldest child, and about seven minutes of the youngest. (Maybe that’s why she is pursuing a life on the stage, to try to make up for not being filmed as

Teens in Transition

2011-02-07T16:05:00.000-08:00

Our oldest daughter turns thirteen in a few days. But enough about her. I am turning into the MOTHER of a teenager in a few days. Of course, I may have some leeway before achieving official Mom of a Teen status, because turning into a teenager isn’t an overnight process. We’ve seen signs of encroachment since she turned ten, flashes of attitude and outgrown clothes and a sudden eagerness to take

From Puppets to Mary Onettes

2011-02-04T07:14:00.000-08:00

It happens in a flash. One day you're helping your best friend's son play with fire trucks and set up Lego castles on a braided rug in her family room, the next day he is a deep-voiced high school junior handing over a CD he's burned and saying "Nancy, I think you'd like this band. Check it out." I spent half my earlier life reading music magazines, album reviews, and listening to the radio -

I Never Expected To Be This Broad

2011-01-31T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have a slight acquaintance with a man who is a knot expert, one of the leading thinkers about knots in the entire world. He teaches knot theory in the math department of a top university, and his office is hung with samples of sailor knots, artfully mounted and framed. Once I came across a knot at a flea market, attached to a wooden plaque, intricate and heavy and the size of a loaf of

The Roots of Community

2011-01-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday I helped chaperone a group of 18 teens from my church on a visit to another church in Oakland, part of the nine-month long confirmation program. The program's name, "Confirm Not Conform," sort of says it all - it's designed to let the kids sort out what's important to them and to make confirmation a choice, not an obligation. It's the kind of groovy, inclusive program that always

And Refereeing the Match: Holly Hobbie

2011-01-24T16:00:00.000-08:00

I grew up in a house overflowing with a love of reading. What it didn't overflow with was books. Why would anyone buy books? We had all the books we could possibly read from the Brighton Town Library. My mother, an elementary school teacher, made sure of it. On Wednesday while we were at school, at the spots on the dining room table where my siblings and I each stacked lunchboxes, permission

Friday's Music Moment: Lives Well Lived

2011-01-21T07:54:00.000-08:00

If you've spent any amount of time on this blog, you'll have read about Family Camp, the annual vacation to the Adirondack Mountains that my family has been taking every August since the 1960s. We're not that unusual; there are probably 15 other families who have also been coming since gas cost $0.36 a gallon. Family camp friendships are so deeply ingrained that when someone of our tribe gets

Naming Trends and StagNancy

2011-01-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed that all the cutest babies lately carry old man/old lady names? Every time I ooh and ahh at a tiny cherub bundled up in bunting, I'm caught short when the picture caption or the parent informs me that the child shares a name with someone I remember from my grandpa's golf quartet or who was a cousin of my grandmother's back in the Old Country. Noah. Emma. Abigail. Jack. Henry.

Friday's Music Moment: Vacation Brain

2011-01-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

We spent the week after Christmas in Hawaii, having our brains turn to mush. That is, of course, the goal of a Hawaiian vacation, especially after such a frantic holiday season. We brought bathing suits, stacks of books, and virtually no ambition beyond a wish to float down some pineapple plantation irrigation ditches in an inner tube. (If you visit Kauai, it's a must.) What I hadn't realized is

An Open Letter to the Lady on My Street With The Doberman

2011-01-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

Hi! I’m your neighbor from a few blocks down the street, but I don’t think you know me by name. I’m the one who flees into my house whenever you and your large black Doberman Pinscher with the improbably feminine name of Clarice are trotting by on your thrice daily walk, accompanied by your Segway-riding husband. Of course, the fleeing routine is standard procedure for most of the neighborhood

Friday's Music Moment: Heart Pumping Edition

2011-01-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

With my post earlier this week referring to my love of a good long walk, I figured I'd dip into the archive for a nice pedestrian-themed song on our Music Moment. Then I got my sneakers knotted up, paralyzed by choice. Have you ever considered how many songs include the word "walk" in the title, across genres, years, and channels? Miss Patsy sings about walking after midnight; Lou Reed takes us

The Only Thing Running Around Here Is My Watch

2011-01-04T11:07:00.000-08:00

It's the time of year when people make grand commitments to do or not do things for the next 365 days, usually related to eating and drinking or, ahem, not freaking out at Oakland parking meter attendants. (Seriously? You're ticketing me as I'm standing at the ATM taking out money with which to plug the meter?) But the biggest draw for New Year's resolutions, from my informal and unscientific

The Other Woman Has Two Wheels

2010-12-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

Because I'm very busy this week laying around on the couch while I try to keep cookie crumbs and wine stains out of the pages of the books I'm reading, I'm going to reprint an oldie but (hopefully) a goodie - one of the first essays I ever had published. This piece first appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle on Feb 25 2006 and is responsible for my delusion that I have something compelling to

Friday's Music Moment: Procrastinating Do-Gooder Edition

2010-12-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

This is it. If you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, then what are you doing reading my blog? The thronging crowds and snappy clerks await! Unless…I have a better idea for you. One that truly embodies the spirit of the season, and helps needy kids to boot. It makes you look like a generous do-gooder, which I know you are, not to mention a supporter of groovy new (and sometimes old)

Holiday Drama

2010-12-20T14:33:00.000-08:00

I'm so looking forward to Christmas this year. It will be the only day in December not entirely consumed by children's theater performances. Let me back up. Because we apparently have a family tradition of gettin' it on in March, the month of December is already full of birthday celebrations in my family: my mother, my late father in law, my sister. The creme de la creme birthday, of course, is

Friday's Music Moment: Swedish Edition

2010-12-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

For 51 weeks of the year, we run a Hapa* household. Yorkshire pudding for dinner one night (mmm, bland!) and Egg Flower Soup the next. One of us is really excited about the upcoming royal wedding, and the other always wants to know where you went to college. But the week of December 13 each year, we embrace our non-existent Swedish roots. It started exactly 10 years ago, when our youngest

Boredom and the White Cloth of Surrender

2010-12-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many times each day a kid bursts out of a bedroom overflowing with books, art supplies, and toys in order to sigh to a parent, "I'm so BOOOORED." It's probably equivalent to the number of times an adult looks around in a panic and thinks, "How am I going to get the lawn mowed, the meat thawed for dinner, the dog walked, and the office budget report completed before I fade to black in

Friday's Music Moment: In the Neighborhood by Tom Waits

2010-12-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

Back in the early nineties my husband and I lived in Georgetown, in Washington, DC. We had a regular Saturday morning routine: walk through the geometrically spaced streets towards the Potomac River for a big breakfast bagel at Booeymongers, then a quick stop next door to Burton Opticians. Its shopkeeper and namesake, Virgina Burton, was a dark-haired Texan with the gift of perfect taste. She

Freakin' Flier Blues

2010-12-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

As I was boarding a transatlantic flight from the UK last week, it struck me how the airlines are doing their utmost to provide each passenger a customized flight. But not in a good way. Back in the day everyone seated on the same plane was assured a relatively homogenous experience; linen napkins in first class and paper napkins in economy, of course, but we were all getting a meal and the same

Friday's Music Moment: Sightsee MC by Big Audio Dynamite

2010-12-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a week in London where I attended the Online Information conference. It was an exciting week to be there, not just because I was able to stay up to date on the bookies' odds of which designer will get the nod to make Kate Middleton's wedding dress, but also because the country was in the grips of a major weather disaster (or as we native Rochesterians like to call it, "winter

Things I Do Not Want for Christmas

2010-11-29T16:44:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year…actually for my husband it won't be that time of year until 4 pm on December 24th, but other people may do Christmas shopping prior to the moment when Santa is already hovering over the Czech Republic. With that in mind, I've come up with a helpful list of things to not bother yourself with buying for me. Please. (It must be said that none of the items on the following

Friday's Music Moment: I Should Get Up by Teddy Thompson

2010-11-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

Even before the lead story of "here's actual film footage of people being trampled in the pre-dawn hours at an overlit Wal-mart on Long Island in their rush to buy $25 Black Friday Xboxes" became a fixture on the evening news, the idea of waking up at the crack of dawn to shop on the day after Thanksgiving intimidated me. I'm an early riser by nature so it's not the time; it's the addition of a

Giving Thanks for Crud

2010-11-22T15:06:00.000-08:00

It's easy to spend Thanksgiving week being grateful for food, shelter, family, health. I am grateful for those things, after all. There were plenty of reasons to rejoice in Normalarkeyland during 2010: all the relatives sitting in various boughs (and the trunk) of the family tree who had been laid off found good work again, our children are healthy and happy, we have enough money for groceries,

Friday's Music Moment: Munich by the Editors

2010-11-19T06:18:00.000-08:00

It happens at least twice a week, while I'm walking my dog or washing dishes. A song comes on my iPod shuffle that causes me to stop and say, "What the hell is this? Did I download it?" A quick glance at the "Now Playing" screen doesn't help, because it's a band I've never heard of singing a song that is completely foreign to me. I'm talking, of course, about iPod orphans - those songs that end

Developing Dog Fluency

2010-11-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

Are you going to drop some food, or not? When my dog Achilles looks at someone else who doesn't know him as well as I do, I find myself translating. "Hey Neil, down here! Just saying hello," I say to my friend, the guy who has never met a dog he didn't disdain. "Girls! I need some water!" I yell to my kids as the dog sticks his paw into his water bowl and whips it past me along the kitchen

With Thanks to Our Soldiers on Veteran's Day

2010-11-11T06:09:00.000-08:00

Nine years ago when the war started, I felt gratified to be part of a community that believed in taking a moment each week to think of the brave men and women fighting so far away. At my church in the Oakland hills, during the Prayers for the People, after we’ve prayed for world leaders to seek justice and peace, after we’ve prayed for those who are alone and suffering, after we’ve prayed

Whip My Hair, and Get Me My Ointment

2010-11-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

The other day I googled "Whip My Hair." I wasn’t looking for a home workout, but rather the new music video by Willow Smith, the nine year-old daughter of actor/rapper Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith. I'd heard a couple of radio DJs refer to it in glowing tones – “the hottest new dance song of the YEAR!” I pride myself on being in the know about new music, but have very little

Friday's Music Moment: Sisters of Mercy by Conspiracy of Beards

2010-11-05T06:05:00.000-07:00

Did I make this up, or is it true that in the 70's the radio stations used to play little fake interviews where the interviewer's question would be answered with a snippet of a popular song? You know, the deep male voice would say "How is the weather out there?" and in answer you'd hear "It never rains in southern California" by Albert Hammond? Either that really happened, or it's a project

Of School Auctions and Self-Flagellation

2010-11-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

Finally! The giant pink thermos of my dreams! Every year on the eve of our school auction, the main fundraiser for our childrens’ public elementary school, my husband asks if we can just send a check and stay home. He’s generous: the amount he names would cover not only the amount we normally spend, but also the sitter’s fee and the cost of auction tickets and drinks. “Wouldn’t that just make

Friday's Music Moment: Cuts You Up by Peter Murphy

2010-10-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

It's a point of pride to me to have a good iPod playlist at the ready for every holiday. Some are easy - just load up on the U2, Pogues, and Sinead for St. Patrick's Day, the Neville Brothers and Kermit Ruffins for Mardi Gras, and Run DMC for Christmas. (You don't believe me? You've obviously never heard Christmas in Hollis.) And you have to update it every year to account for the new stuff.

A Halloween Parenting Tip

2010-10-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

The first Halloween we ever spent as parents was when our oldest daughter was eight months old. Eight months is that time of a baby's life when you sometimes fail to overcome the temptation to burrow your nose into your baby's neck and inhale all those soon-to-be-outgrown smells of powder and milk and innocence. Completely bald and with big blue eyes, our girl was chubby in all the ways a baby

Domestic Horrors

2010-10-25T18:01:00.000-07:00

With Halloween only days away, perhaps it was fitting that I woke my husband up from a dead sleep last night with shrieks of horror. "It's ok, it's ok," he whispered at me, "you're just having a bad dream." He patted me on the back twice and fell immediately back to sleep, satisfied he'd scared off whatever monsters had woken his wife up in the middle of the night. He was too sleepy to notice

Friday's Music Moment - Gasoline by Enter the Haggis

2010-10-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who I’ll call Jonathan, because that’s his name, once taught me an excellent party game called “Poor Man.” When you’re bored or at a gathering where you don’t know anyone, scan the crowd for those people who, if you squint or look at only from the side or are thirty yards away from, sort of resembles a famous person. Then tell your companion, “There’s the Poor Man’s [fill in the

Self Help for the Easily Distracted

2010-10-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

My latest efforts at self improvement involved cutting sugar and alcohol from my diet on weekdays. It started back in September. Even decades out of school, I still have the urge to embark on some new challenge when summer draws to a close. Since I’d spent the last two weeks of summer on a rustic vacation with a collapsible camping wine glass firmly attached to my hand, the better with which to

Driving While Indifferent

2010-10-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

When it comes to standards, there are categories in which I have them. "Spouse" and "friends" merit my strictest selection requirements, with "Books I will purchase in hardcover" and "Music I will buy in a format other than MP3" following close behind. Somewhere in the middle of the scale is "Sprinter I will put money on for next year's Tour de France," "toothpaste brands," and "minimum SPF

Friday's Music Moment - Ball and Chain by Social Distortion

2010-10-15T06:09:00.000-07:00

I have a friend whose confidence in her marriage astounds me. "We will never get divorced, never ever, nope, not a topic for discussion," she tells me. Me, I don't take a single day of my marriage for granted, because the whole thing seems so unlikely. Guess that's drilled into you when you go for the pre-marriage counseling with the priest who worries aloud, "You two seem so different, I'm

Manly Motivation

2010-10-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

My husband has been a serious cyclist since high school, getting more regimented about riding once we moved to northern California, where world-class cyclists train on the roads just a few miles from our house. When he first began riding with a local bike club more than ten years ago, he would come home and tell me that the guys - no women in this group - suggested he needed to lose weight, buy a

Rules for Playdates - Elementary School Edition

2010-10-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, back in the olden days of my youth, kids got together to play without needing a special name for doing so. But "playdate" seems here to stay, so let's accept it and move on. With the school year underway, it's time for an update of the guiding principles of playdates in our home, as applied to the K-5 set. Don't expect me to report back on your child's every action for the time they spent

Friday's Music Moment - Justified and Ancient by KLF (with Tammy Wynette)

2010-10-08T06:22:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I wrote about the blurring of musical lines between rock, country, alternative, and it got me thinking about some of my favorite genre-defying examples. Coincidentally I also picked up "Love is a Mix Tape" by Rob Sheffield, a memoir of his tragically short marriage as told through the mix tapes that he and his wife Renee made and listened to while they were together. (Over the

The Real Emergency Kits of Alameda County

2010-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

When I first moved to the San Francisco Bay Area thirteen years ago, I had to come to grips with a constant state of expectation that the world can, and indeed will, flip upside down at any time. One of our first house projects was an earthquake retrofit that would bolt the house to its foundation and attach plywood shear walls to stabilize the structure. Later when we moved to the house in

Triangulating Childhood Musical Tastes

2010-10-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

For three people growing up in the same house, my sister, brother and I occupied radically different neighborhoods on the FM dial. Picture yourself walking into the upstairs hallway of my childhood home in the early 1980s, up a steep flight of carpeted steps that crests at a square landing. From far down the hallway in front of you, twangy vocals and lots of slide guitar fill the air; Mac Davis,

Friday's Music Moment - Let Them Knock by Sharon Jones

2010-10-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

Travie McCoy may want to be a billionaire so he can end up on the cover of Forbes Magazine (what up, Oprah?) but I have a different plan. When I'm a billionaire, which should be soon, I'm following in Big Daddy Hellman's footsteps. That's Warren Hellman, San Francisco private equity investor, philanthropist, and banjo aficionado. Seems about nine years ago Warren decided he'd like to do a

No Phone Zone for the Old Crone

2010-09-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

Is there anything worse than listening to a 13 year old girl make plans with a friend over the phone? "So, I'll walk to your house after I babysit. What? What time is your soccer practice over? What? Jennifer, I talked about this with you already! Oh my god. So what if I come over…what? (long silence.) Ok, so if come over after I babysit then I will just wait for you. I can do my homework on your

Dog Walking and the Möbius Strip

2010-09-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

The walk ends, technically speaking, once we reach the mailbox. For the past hour I've picked my way along a narrow ravine trail in the Oakland hills, three and a half miles through redwood, oak, and bay trees, poison oak peeking through here and there. The dog, on the other hand, has covered about three times that, racing from the trail bed to the creek trickling at the bottom of the ravine,

Friday's Music Moment - The Funeral by Band of Horses

2010-09-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a dispatch from the Department of the Glaringly Obvious: professional cyclists spend a lot of time on the bike, repetitious training rides that take hours to complete. (The Gran Fondo race up in Santa Rosa in a couple weeks that has all the MAMILs talking power gels and bike shorts and training regimens? Yeah, that's a regular Tuesday training ride for its sponsor, Levi Leipheimer. Try not

Bedroom Tour

2010-09-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hello, and welcome to this stop of the Bedrooms of the Oakmore Highlands tour! As you know, it's a fundraiser for the local public school, as is just about every public gathering around here. Did you notice the signs at either end of the street with the lovely graphic of a smiling house? This corner of Oakland is now called The Oakmore Highlands, and with a fancy name like that the introduction

Not Quite Clear on the "Six or Less" Concept

2010-09-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

In July I read an article in the New York Times about the Six Items or Less challenge. It calls for people to choose six articles of clothing and to wear those, and only those, for an entire month (shoes and accessories don't count.) In the Times piece, the people who made it to the end of the thirty days found it strangely liberating, reporting that not only did their clothing repetition go

Friday's Music Moment - Saturday Sun by Crowded House

2010-09-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

Over the years I may have blogged a time or two about Neil Finn and Crowded House. But I was AWOL here on the blog during 2010's biggest Crowded House news - the release of their new album Intriguer, and a spate of Northern California concerts (which I missed because of Family Camp, but I'm sure they managed without me.) So playing a bit of catch up here with a post of "Saturday Sun" for

Resiliency in Wonderland

2010-09-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

Whenever I go back to visit my parents in the upstate New York city where I spent the first eighteen years of my life, I spend some time driving myself around to the landmarks that orient me: my Aunt Noonie’s house, Bagel Land, and Wegman's grocery store. It’s there where I invariably run into old friends from high school, now inexplicably middle-aged and in the company of spouses and kids.One

Normal? Malarkey.

2010-09-13T17:29:00.000-07:00